Ho avuto di recente uno scambio di mail con un mio amico che abita in Cina da piu’ di tempo di me.
Mi ha mandato la descrizione di quello che secondo lui sarebbe la giornata perfetta.
Secondo me e’ irresistibile, per cui la riporto qui.
At morning, fire EMP device to shut up all the cars in city. Then, go out for a jog.
Go to a restaurant; at the entrance, open the cages and free the snakes, owls, raccoons, ferrets, toads, badgers and all. Stuff 100 Yuan bills onto owner’s mouth until he stops screaming.
Enter the restaurant and kick someone in the ass, just for fun. Hey, this is my dream, isn’t it?
Stuff rotten potatoes in the mouth of whoever shouts “Huanyinguanlin” or similar.
Use war hammer or double axe to smash air conditioner to pieces.
Proceed to table.
When the waiter brings chilled water, pour it in waiter’s pants. Demand beer. Waiter does not
Kick, potato until a Ph.D. waiter makes his appearance: his superior intellect lets him understand complex sentences like “Yes”, “No”, “Beer”.
Use shotgun to silence all loudspeaker in restaurant.
Turn on cellphone jammer so that all the jib-jabbering stops.
Order a three pounds steak, french fries and ketchup.
On top, nothing. No sauces, no spices, no salted vegetables, shrimps, pepperoni, nothing: olny meat, potatoes and ketchup.
Don’t have steak? Run somewhere and get it, quick!
If necessary: potato, kick.
Steak comes with black pepper sauce, mushrooms sauce or some other stuff on top: rub well steak on waiter’s face; potato, kick. Repeat until they get it right.
After the steak, order a black coffe.
Go to bathroom and this is where my dream goes fantastic, due to miracle #1: it does not stink like a pig pen.
Miracle #2: there is soap.
Miracle #3: there is paper for drying hands.
Final miracle, and that’s something that would make me fall on my knees in adoration, there is also an air drier that actually works.
On the way out, stuff potatoes in the mouth of whoever shouts “Manzhou” or similar.