What Chinese people think while driving
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Chinese street[/caption]
Yellow guys: I am ashamed for not being smart and/or though enough to leave the queue and cut in somewhere forward. I am all but a cowardly sheep. I'll take my revenge not leaving one single millimeter from my front bumper and the next car, so nobody can cut in.
Blue guys: I am so smart: I am running forward instead of waiting in the queue like those suckers. Sooner or later there will be an opening, maybe a wimpy girlie or some old coward who can't manage to stick to the car in front. I'll cut in like a hawk and I'll have saved precious seconds. I only have to pay attention to the shitheads on the left, I won't let in a single one!
Green guys: I am smarter than the smart people. I'm taking a big risk running ahead like this but I know I can manage. I'll cut in at the first hint of hesitation of some sucker on the right. I am really smart smart and I have big balls too. I am a winner. I'll show no mercy to those dumb fuckers on the left. Die! Die!
Orange guys: I am super smart. I am clearly superior to all those retards on the right. I am so smart that I guess I'll get rich very soon, just because I am so smart and I have huge iron balls. With steel studs. Pointy. And I'll buy a bigger car so I can bully everyone else and no douchebag will ever dare to cross my road.
Red guy: I am Zhu Geliang*
*look it up on wikipedia
I happen to know this girlie who works at a customer's place.
She is really young, intelligent, all in all a nice person to chat with.
So I was paying a visit to this customer and the following dialog took place.
Me: "Hi beautiful, what's up?"
She: "I got a doggie!"
Me: "That's good news! What kind of doggie?"
She: "What do you mean, what kind? It's just a doggie, everyone has a doggie."
Me: "I mean what is it? A poodle? A pug? A corgie?"
She: "I don't know, it's brown. Four legs."
Me: "Can you show me a picture?"
She: "Sure, here is a video of him eating cookies."
Me: "Ah it's a poodle. I should have known. Hey what are those biscuits? Looks like Oreo to me."
She: "Yes he likes cookies so much!"
Me: "Aren't cookies supposed to be dangerous to dogs?"
She: "But he likes them so much!"
Me: "Well, it's a fact. You can't give sweet things to dogs. It's harmful to them. Ask your vet."
She: "Grumble grumble (trad.: nosy know-it-all foreigner who doesn't understand 6000-years-old Chinese Culture)."
Some time passes, two months, maybe. Back to the same customer.
Me: "Hi dear! How are you?"
She: "All is good."
Me: "How's your doggie?"
She: "Fine! Didn't you see my wechat posts?"
Me: "No I didn't see even one of the gazillion boring pics you post every day along with a lame comment full of smileys, they're all the same and I consider wechat posts a HUGE waste of time anyway. "
Ah, I'd like to have the balls to say something like that!
Instead I said:
Me: "No I didn't see your recent posts, I was very busy these days. Show me on your phone!"
She: "Here, look!" (shows video of a white poodle eating something)
Me: "How comes it is white now? Last time it was brown."
She (Fake angry face): "That one died."
Me: "No! Really! Why?"
She: "The vet said it was a weak one."
Me: "So you bought another one?"
She: "Yes, of course."
Me: "Did the vet say anything about food bad for dogs?"
She: "No... he just said it needs grooming and walking out."
Me (inquisitive look): "Who is selling you the dogs?"
She: "The vet."
Me: "I see."
A rieccoce... n'artra intervista.
Siamo a 4! (prima, seconda e terza).
Questo il link: http://xinbao.qdxin.cn/html/20160620/20.html
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