Transactions

Customer: “Yo buddy, give me a beer please!”
Normal person: “Here you are, it’s three bucks.”
Customer: “Thank you. Glub glub. I am very satisfied.”
Normal person: “Me too.”

Customer: “Yo buddy, give me a beer please!”
Chinese supplier: “How much are you giving me?”
Customer: “It’s your beer dude, how much are you asking me?”
Chinese supplier: “Five thousands dollars.”
Customer: “That’s crazy, I’ll give you one buck.”
Chinese supplier: “OK.”
Customer: “So are you going to give me my beer or not?”
Chinese supplier: “I want 75% anticipated payment.”
Customer: “No sir, I’ll give you 30% now and 70% when I see the beer.”
Chinese supplier: “That’s a weird condition, never heard of. I have to consult with my director.”
Customer: “Please do so.”
Chinese supplier: (calls someone and blabbers for half an hour, taking notes and consulting various notebooks.)
Customer: “Everything OK?”
Chinese supplier: “I dialed the wrong number by mistake. I’ll try again.”
Customer: “OK.”
Chinese supplier: (more blabbering on the phone, taking notes)
Customer: “It’s OK now?”
Chinese supplier: “We can accept this weird payment terms as a token of friendship and will to long term cooperation.”
Customer: “Good! I’m thirsty!” (gives 0.30)
Chinese supplier: (does not move)
Customer: “So?”
Chinese supplier: “You didn’t tell me where you want the beer. I need detailed instructions to operate well and give a better service.”
Customer: “I want it in front of me.”
Chinese supplier: (does not move)
Customer: “Hi! My beer?”
Chinese supplier: “You didn’t tell me which hand do I have to use. I need detailed instructions to operate well and give a better service.”
Customer: “Use your right hand please, put the beer right here in front of me.”
Chinese supplier: (does nothing)
Customer: “What’s up?”
Chinese supplier: “You didn’t tell me when do you want the beer.”
Customer: “I want my beer within 10 seconds, you use your right hand and put it right here in front of me.”
Chinese supplier: (still nothing)
Customer: “Yo! Beer please!”
Chinese supplier: “You didn’t tell me when to start counting the seconds.”
Customer: “I want my beer within 10 seconds from this very moment, you use your right hand and put it right here in front of me.”
Chinese supplier: (nothing)
Customer: “Tell me.”
Chinese supplier: “There is no contract. I need an official contract, signed and stamped by both parties.”
Customer: “Here is your contract in two copies. Sign it and we’re done.”
Chinese supplier: (signs the contract)
Customer: “I’m here! Give me the beer!”
Chinese supplier: “There are still 4 seconds to go, it’s still early.”
Customer: (waits a little) “Time’s up buddy!”
Chinese supplier: “I have no beer.”
Customer: “Then go get some, I’ll wait.”
Chinese supplier: (disappears for some time)
Customer: “Did you get the beer?”
Chinese supplier: “It is not possible to have beer. Do you want some wine instead?”
Customer: “Better than nothing! Give me the wine.”
Chinese supplier: “I need another 10¢ to open the wine bottle.”
Customer: “Here’s your 10¢.”
Chinese supplier: (does not move)
Customer: “Where’s my wine?”
Chinese supplier: “The wine comes from a third party supplier who is having issues.”
Customer: “How long do we have to wait?”
Chinese supplier: “Impossible to tell.”
Customer: “Well you know what? I don’t want the wine anymore. Give me back my money.”
Chinese supplier: “Company policy forbids me to give money back.”
Customer: “So I gave you money and you gave me nothing?”
Chinese supplier: “You are going to have your product if you wait long enough.”
Customer: “But I am thirsty now! What am I supposed to do?”
Chinese supplier: “You can sue me.”
Customer: “For 40¢? Fuck you.”
Chinese supplier: “You are being unreasonable. I did my best and you insult me.”
Customer: “Yeah right, asshole.” (goes away)
Chinese supplier: (calls someone on the phone) “Good news! We made another 40¢ without actually doing nothing!”

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